[Cro Dreoilin] "Shoulds"

[Kelley Forbes]

I think wanting to do something is, truly, very important; it is, 
however, only peripherally related to what I was saying.

There are different parts that "wanting" can play when we are talking 
about living up to our values. We can want something physically or 
emotionally or mentally or spiritually/philosophically.  Sometimes those 
different wants can come into conflict.  We can, for instance, choose to 
do something we would otherwise not want to do, because we also want to 
live up a certain set of values.

The crux of it is that, even in this situation, we need to be able to 
say what value or values we are living up to.  When we are specifically 
dealing with aesthetic wants and choices, if we find ourselves 
substituting the "because it will ..." phrase with " ... because I want 
to," too often, it can be an indication that we are masking moralistic 
behavior.  In this case, "wanting" can mean the internalization of 
societal norms to the point that we can't separate our own choice from 
what we have been brought up to believe is true.


-- Kelley.


Katie Murphy wrote:
> I like what Sue said about this. I think that doing something out of 
> obligation isn't as meaningful as doing something because you WANT to.
>
> --Katie
>
> On Sun, Nov 20, 2011 at 3:21 PM, sue blackmore 
> <sblackmore1966 at gmail.com <mailto:sblackmore1966 at gmail.com>> wrote:
>
>     It has been said that the best reason to do anything is because we
>     want to. So we say please, step out of our comfort zone and
>     venerate our gods not because we should or its polite or the gods
>     need it but because we want to.
>
>     On Nov 20, 2011 3:08 PM, "Charlotte Blackwood"
>     <charlotte.blackwood at gmail.com
>     <mailto:charlotte.blackwood at gmail.com>> wrote:
>
>         You are so cool :)  Thanks for that email :)
>
>         On 11/20/11, Kelley Forbes <forbesk at astronomytower.net
>         <mailto:forbesk at astronomytower.net>> wrote:
>         > One interesting thing this topic of "needs" has me thinking
>         about is the
>         > place that "shoulds" have in our religion.
>         >
>         > In a values-based aesthetic, there are no independent
>         "should" actions
>         > or rules; there are no "thou shalts" or "thou shalt nots".
>         Every time
>         > you think of yourself as "having to" or "must" or "should
>         do", then you
>         > should be able to complete the phrase "because it will ____".
>         >
>         >
>         > "I should open the door, because it is hospitable to do so."
>         >
>         > "I should say 'please', because I am acknowledging the right
>         of the
>         > person to say no, and that builds independence and community."
>         >
>         > "I should step out of my comfort zone, because it is
>         courageous."
>         >
>         >
>         > If you catch yourself having a bunch of "should" thoughts
>         and not being
>         > able to complete that sentence, then you need to ask
>         yourself what
>         > ethics you are caring around with you that are someone
>         else's rules,
>         > most likely picked up from our decidedly moral-based culture.
>         >
>         >
>         > -- Kelley.
>         >
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> -- 
> "We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we 
> bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. "
> ~Rita Rudner
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